Based on the smashing success and pending adoption of the long-shot sports I selected for the summer olympics, I have generated a list of five sports that should be added to the Winter Olympics. This is a finely curated list published with more than three days notice for use in the upcoming games in Beijing.
Fat Tire Biking (Snow Biking)
Call it whatever you like, Fat Tire Biking on the snow needs to be in the Olympics. Even without any extra fluff, these races would be a blast to watch, but new sports are all about fluff. In this event, each rider can pick up power-ups that they can use against their opponents, operated electronically of course. Spray paint an opponent’s face? Sure! E-bike speed boost? Yep. Spring-loaded ground panel that launches competitor? Check.
Picture endurance athletes dropped onto a wintery Rainbow Road. And in the meantime, watch this incredible documentary about Wout Van Aert (the future king of this competition since it involves a bike) speed running this sport:
Biathlon v2.0
We take Biathlon, and we move it somewhere else! Biathlon v2.0 requires competitors to long-track speed skate, and take curling shots instead of ski and shoot. Competitors are given time bonuses and penalties for their curling performance in this all-out race. As wild as it sounds, seeing 15+ competitors line up and speed skate race around might be the craziest part.
Dodgeball, on Ice
Pond Hockey
The US Pond Hockey Championships take place in Eagle River, Wisconsin and the title sponsor is Labatt Blue. My suggestion is to keep the sponsor, and elevate the pinnacle of pond hockey straight to the top of the olympics. The major catch is that each team needs to have an average BAC at the legal driving limit of the host nation. How you chose to distribute this average is up to each individual team. The strategies are definitely not endless… but the fun could be.
Winter Heptathlon
Seven sports, one competitor, zero explanations:
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Speed skating (short track)
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Alpine Skiing (giant slalom)
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Nordic Skiing (longest possible distance)
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Figure Skating
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Luge
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Snowboarding Halfpipe
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Ski Jump
(Apollo Ohno would easily win this event)
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